| mick | Дата: Пятница, 27.05.2011, 08:15 | Сообщение # 1 |
 Full Professor
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| A joke based on the same pronunciation of weak and week:
- Why are Saturday and Sunday strong?
- Because the others are weakdays.
A joke from Eckersley (a famous, but alas, old English textbook)
Customer: Waiter!
Waiter: Yes, sir!
C: What's this, I wonder?
W: It's bean soup, sir!
C: I don't care what it has been, I ask you what it is now!
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Note bean - боб, произносится так же, как been - III форма глагола to be. То есть
It's bean soup=Это бобовый суп.
It's been soup=Это было супом.
Some more-
- Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an accident?
- Yes, I've heard about him. Now he's all right!
Mailman: Pardon me, sir. Is this package for you? The name is smudged.
Guy: Must not be for me - my name is Smith.
Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with the word 'analyze' in it?
Ruth: Anna said she met U2 at a concert, but Anna lies.
- Wanna chat with me?
- I'm busy!
- Hi, Busy! I'm Abraham!
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Teacher: Bob, give me a sentence beginning with I.
Bob: Yes, Miss. I is...
Teacher: No, no, no. You have to say "I am!"
Bob: Ok, Miss. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother's cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads:
Dear love,
Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you.
Love,
Me.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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Moon Or Sun
Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
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To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner."
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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
* * *
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
* * *
Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
* * *
Confucius say: "Man cannot exchange woman of forty for two twenties:"
For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow
Ecc, 1:18
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| mick | Дата: Пятница, 27.05.2011, 08:17 | Сообщение # 2 |
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| * * *
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner."
***************
It's all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
* * *
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
* * *
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
Su-27:
Баян от программеров:
_____
Вот переклинило нас писать стихи на Delphi...
If then begin, begin to do
In case interface in do
In do, in do... begin to do
If else case then interface!
А потом пришли сишники... и извечный вопрос о "правильности" языков решился сам собой - подобрать то рифму для фигурной скобки не получается...
For in much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow
Ecc, 1:18
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